Power of Daily Prayer
Every evening before bed my Mother would pray with us. Sometimes we would pray through the rosary. In any case, she would always conclude our prayers with a sincere wish that we would all grow up to know exactly that God had intended for us to do.
This had a powerful effect over me as I was growing up. I always felt as if I was specially called for something. Probably the most powerful effect was one I was unaware of. I was known and loved by God, which gave me unusual confidence and purpose.
In my later teen years, I would come to believe I knew what I was chosen to do. It wasn't until I was 20 that my dreams fell to ruins and I had to come up with new hopes and plans for my life.
It is possible that I had been chosen for something special. It is just as probably that I was used in a special way. I had chosen to turn my back on God for at least 5 years by then as I went my own way. Not willfully at one moment, but, rather, in all my little choices I always chose "self" over "God's way". So let us not kid each other. Who abandoned who and then expected the plan to come together without any alterations?
I have come to understand that there are not many callings which are for "Grand" and "Noble" things as man sees them. The right word or assistance to anyone could start or continue a chain of events. From my perspective in this world, I cannot hope to understand who is effected or where it will lead. Or, for that matter, the nature of the chain of events which have moved me right or left.
All I know is the master potterer is in control.
It was somewhat vain to produce my own plan, paste God's seal of approval on it (without discussion), and then expect to make major changes in the world.
Extreme stress? Who helped me?
Yes, before I got too full of self, God was right there for me. I had not yet crowded him out and He was my constant companion. (Our relationship to God is often very similar to children and their parents. We often hear about rebellious youth. It is not rebellion. It is self and selfishness.)
One time my cousin and I were hunting. I was 15 at the time. At some point, we began to circle a pond.in hopes of shortening a frog's life.
My cousin got it in his head to scare me. Wouldn't it be fun to shoot near me and to see me jump? So, from the other side of the pond, he shot the water before me.
The bullet ricochetted off of the water before me and hit me 1/2 inch behind the temple. The impact picked me up and dropped me on my head (as if my head weren't already sore). From the heap I was dumped, I could see my cousin on the other side laughing away. Well, I would show him. I would pretend to be dead and just stay in this uncomfortable 'heap' position.
You see, the question that had come racing through my mind was not, "I'm hurt", but, "Am I dying!". The answer was, "No, you have something to do for the Lord yet." You see, if it was about how badly injured, I could get very scared. This happened more than often enough. But, when the question was "Die" or "Not die", then I knew I could trust in the Lord.
My cousin, by the way, found his laugh change to screams of terror as I continued to lie there. Eventually, he ran around the pond and just sat down crying. To this day, I sometimes suspect it may have been more of fear of losing his gun than remorse for having "killed" me. :)
Eventually, I pulled my tail out of the air (I said I landed on my head) and, putting my hand on my cousin's shoulder, chided him, "I could have been bleeding to death and you weren't going to help me at all?". Guess WHO scared who? He almost jumped into the pond he was so surprised.
With leaves we stopped the bleeding.
Not wanting to let such foolishness go unrewarded, we stuck with a story that I got caught on a barb wire fence that my cousin was suppose to be holding, but let go too early. We couldn't have him get away scott free, but, we also did not want to do anything to jeopardize hunting for the next two generations either.